Well, what IS wrong with ebooks?

Click on this, then fiddle with your arrow keys
- Yeah, like that
- By Dan Hall, ImprobableIsland.com
Why don't people read ebooks?
- Because ebooks suck
  - Because there's a bajillion different file formats
    - And they all suck
      - Except HTML
        
        Which still sucks a bit
        
        Because nobody uses it
        
        And because you can't save your place in it
        
        Unless you use ebook reading software
        
        Which you really shouldn't have to do
        
        Because HTML has the ability to save your place for you
        
        But nobody makes HTML files with that ability
        
        Because it's tricky
        
        And because authors tend not to be computer-savvy enough to pull that off
        
        Because HTML can be copied easily
        
        Which is what it's for
        
        And publishers are scared of piracy
      - And plain text
        
        Which also sucks
        
        Because you can't do italics
        
        Because you can't do illustrations
        
        And it's hard to change the appearance
      - Because they are designed to stop the reader doing things that the reader wants to do
        
        Like sharing the books with their friends
        
        Or copying the book to different computers so they can read them at work
      - Or because they were never designed to be read on a machine
        
        Like PDF
        
        Which is not reflowable, and cannot be read on anything but a computer or paper
        
        And not many people read ebooks on their computer
        
        Seriously, who the hell prints out their ebooks?
        
        Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?
  - Because they're horrifically expensive
    - For something where the individual unit production cost is zero
    - For something that you can't hold in your hand
    - And authors get paid very little of that money
      - Because middlemen take a big cut
        
        Like publishers
        
        Like bookstores
        
        Like payment processors
        
        Because authors tend not to be web-savvy enough to do it themselves
  - Because they try too hard to be like real books
    - And fail
      - Because they're not real books
      - Because they don't take advantage of the fact that they're not real books
        
        With no requirement for physical storage
        
        And no production costs per unit
  - Because we spend a lot of time trying to fix the medium
    - In pointless ways
      - Like simulated page turning
      - Or flashy graphics
    - Instead of teaching ourselves to stop breaking it
      - With DRM
      - With high prices
      - With redundant and confusing file formats
      - With silly, consumer-hostile marketing tactics
        
        Like releasing ebook versions of novels months after the novel is released
        
        At higher prices
        
        Stephen King, I'm looking at you
        
        Or not releasing the ebook version at all
        
        To which the consumer responds with book scanners, OCR and BitTorrent
        
        Duh
        
        Which means no money for the publisher
        
        Because of their own mistakes
        
        And no money for the author
        
        Which must really piss them off
    - Because we don't realise that we already have an almost-perfect format
      - Called HTML
        
        That can be read on anything
        
        That can be reflowed
        
        That can be shared
        
        That can be styled
        
        That can be printed
        
        That can be copied and pasted
        
        Into an E-mail
        
        Into a dissertation
        
        Into a review
        
        Into a recommendation
        
        That can be edited to suit the reader
        
        That nobody uses
        
        Because authors write in word processors
        
        Which do a piss-poor job of making HTML files
        
        Because it's technically tricky for a layman
- Because people don't want to read from a computer screen
  - Because they can't do that in the places where they usually read books
    - Like on the beach
    - Or in bed
    - Or on a plane
    - Or anywhere except where their computers are
    - Unless they get something else that can read ebooks
      - Like an ebook reading device
        
        But they all suck
        
        Because they read ebooks, which suck
        
        And because their displays suck
        
        Because they're not backlit
        
        Because they take ages to turn a page
        
        Because they're grayscale
        
        And because they're hilariously expensive
      - Like a mobile phone or PDA
        
        Which I've found to be ideal
        
        Because I always have it with me
        
        Because I can choose my font colour, size, typeface and background colour
        
        Because it can auto-scroll
        
        Because I can read in bed without disturbing my wife
        
        But which others might not
        
        Because the screen is very small
        
        Because other programs and features are a distraction
  - Because data represented on a computer screen cannot be touched
    - Or smelled
    - Or dogeared
    - Or borrowed from the library
    - Or lent to a friend
    - Or loved
- Because people aren't used to ebooks yet
  - Because people don't read ebooks
    - Because they suck
What do I want from an online fiction magazine?
- I want to read free eBooks
  - That I can download
    - With no DRM
    - That I can put on my phone
      - In .txt format
      - In .mobi format
      - In .html format
      - In .epub format
      - With a small file size
        
        Because there's no DRM
        
        Or silly word processor markup
      - And read with whatever reader software I want
  - That I can read in my browser
    - With the ability to change typeface, size, colour, and background colour
      - Quickly, and with a minimum of fuss
    - And the ability to save my place in the story for later
      - Without necessarily having to instruct the computer to do this for me
        
        Because that should be automatic
        
        Because it can be
        
        Because ebooks are not books
  - Or that I can have E-mailed to me
    - In plain text or in html
  - That are of high quality
    - In my opinion
  - From authors that I know
  - And authors that I don't know
    - But would like
  - That are in collections of similar themes
    - Perhaps all downloadable as an anthology in one lovely big .zip file
  - That I can share with my friends
    - By E-mailing them the story files
    - Or by Bluetoothing the files to my friends' phones
    - And with my online friends-who-I-have-never-met
      - Through social networks
        
        With a button that makes it easy
      - And through direct links to the read-online stories
- I want to support the author directly
  - With a PayPal donation
    - Directly to the author
      - With no middleman
      - Of a dollar, two dollars, four dollars or ten dollars
        
        So that I don't have to think too hard about how much to give
      - Or of an amount that I can set myself
        
        If I don't have much money
        
        If I use a different currency
        
        If I want to make a large donation
  - With encouraging words
    - Via a comment box
    - Via the author's E-mail
    - Via a social network
  - With more readers
    - By sharing the story with my real-life friends and my social-network friends
- I want a community
  - With a system that listens to my input and changes its output accordingly
    - With a rating system
    - And with tags
    - And with recommendations
    - But with definite personal, one-on-one human contact
  - With forum and blog commenting
- I want it to be frequently updated
  - With at least one new story a week
    - And preferably several a week
  - And at least one new .zip anthology per month
  - And an RSS feed
Why is this so difficult?
- Because ebooks suck
  - See above